It's not easy having a vag

I'm here to tell you this is one of the worst times in recent history to be a woman. Well, maybe one of the hardest times. It reminds me a little bit of being a man these days: you're treated disdainfully if you're not sexual enough, ironically if you're overtly sexual. Time was Phyllis Diller and Joan Rivers were around to remind you that even if you're not Bo Derrick, you could still maybe tell a few jokes, do some unusual sexual favors and end up married and pretty happy.

Now, nobody tells it like it is (except maybe Mad Men,which uses the guise of 60's high fashion to tell some pretty startlingly rich stories about women). You're stuck between two choices: The obnoxiously pretty, like Taylor Swift, who uses her charming looks to shove her chastity in your face, or Key$ha, who's small frame acts as the ironic fuel for her debauchery. But it's never enough; these girls aren't particularly sexual, they're not even particularly attractive. What they are is offensive to the senses. This is the qualification now for pop stardom: whoever can shout the loudest and annoy me the most will get the record contract. Never mind if they secretly deserve to be boiled alive, or if they show an shocking lack of talent. That's part of the act, that's part of what they're throwing in your faces: "Look guys, I'm not talented but I'm shouting and dressing like an autistic clown and I'm a star, it's okay to be mediocre!" 

That's why these young women are popular: like reality TV, like watching the Kardashian's shit all over human accomplishment, like a man eating a ten pound cheeseburger on live TV while everyone silently hopes his coronary hits on screen, they exist to make people feel better about themselves. But I'm not for it. I don't care if I'm the last hold out alive and I never get laid again, (why is it that women always fall for this shit first?), I'll go to my grave alone and smiling.

 That reminds me, this was supposed to be about women. When did I get on the topic of myself? Anyway, for women, nobody is telling it like it is. Pop culture is now too baked in sensibilities, like all things, it's too afraid to take risks, nervously holding it's breath while everyone waits for the next great depression to hit. I miss cocaine, I miss amphetamines and LSD and the affects they had on our pop culture. Where has all the weirdness gone? There's still pockets, still little chances for incredible talent to seep through, (go listen to Grizzly Bear now) but on the whole, who cares? Ke$ha could bend over, spread her vagina lips and give birth to a black baby on live TV and two weeks later we'd be waiting for the next big dump to be taken all over America. I'm going to read a book.